The August I stepped into the classroom as a mom and teacher for the first time carried so many feelings of doubt, relief, and confusion. My biggest question was “how do moms be teachers, and how do teachers be moms”? There were few resources for me to know how to balance being a teacher AND a mom, and to top it off I was the only mom of an infant in my building. I felt like I was charting my own path.
Of course there is an amazing community of working moms, but teaching and being a mom felt so unique of an experience. I was already in a sort of caretaking role at work and at home, so I wasn’t sure how to make it work and not lose myself in the process. Teaching can be emotionally draining, and so can being a parent. After becoming a new mom and dealing with the tragic loss of my dad all during the summer of my maternity leave (on top of being asked to be a grade level chair with little room to say no- what??) I had no idea how I would survive. Trying to keep my head above water before I even returned to school was overwhelming.
I want to highlight some of the ways that I made it work with both of my kiddos. It wasn’t easy, and I definitely believe that the teaching profession does not accommodate parents, especially in the charter school setting. I had hard conversations with my employer, and at times felt like I couldn’t win.
I want to be very clear here- While there are many things you can do to support yourself as a teacher and a mom, the system (schools and society in general) has to change to better support families, especially if systems are going to tout “being a family” and prioritizing community. I’ll put it plainly- I am a teacher who will always put family first and will save my mental capacity for my family. That means that if any ball has to be dropped, it will be teaching, every time. So while most of my posts have been about thriving in the classroom, I hope you find this post to be helpful as you navigate multiple parts of your identity- being a teacher and a mom. Over all else- give yourself grace and take it one day at a time.
Preparing for Your Teaching Career as a New Mom
With my first baby, I was lucky enough to take my maternity leave at Spring Break, and not return until the next school year. Granted, I only got one month of paid leave, and the rest of my pay that school year was minimal, but it worked out perfectly for planning purposes. I had time to plan out all the logistics of being a working, teaching mom. As a person, transitions are hard for me so I really thought and journaled out what I wanted my return to school to look like. Planning and actual application can be very different but here’s what I thought about as back to school season approached, just to name a few:
- Childcare that worked for my family’s situation ( A daycare with an app, and teachers that sent me all. The. pictures)
- Who would do pickup and dropoff from childcare
- I considered whether my school would be a good fit for me as a working mom (more on that later)
- Where I would pump as a nursing mom
- What the laws were in my state for pumping during the workday- because teaching is not conducive to that sort of schedule interruption
- How much work I was willing to bring home weekly (read: minimal to none)
- What my nightly schedule would look like each day to get ready for the next day
- The support I would need during the day when separated from my kiddo (again, yay for those pics from daycare) such as hanging pictures in my classroom of my family and sharing more about my family with my students when appropriate.
Communication with Employers and Colleagues
Whatever being a mom & teacher looks like for you is great. What I mean by that is that I did not put teaching above my family. I did not work late, take things home, and my practice as a teacher did suffer when I became a first-time mom plain and simple. That was based on my own lived experiences and preferences. If you are a mom who is overjoyed to get back into the classroom and let teaching be your “you” time and career time- that is just as valid. Both ways, however, require us to be professionals and parents. While I did not always feel supported with my administration, I kept lines of communication open because they did understand my situation.
Strategies For Communication As A Parent & Professional
- Set Boundaries- When my admin asked me to be grade level chair (yes they did ask, but I also was guilted because no one else would do it) I communicated that I would need extra support and that my role would be short-term. They found someone to be my co-chair, and he was my saving grace. Communication across the board saved me.
- Maintaining professionalism while addressing personal matters- Yes my admin and many coworkers had children, but many were also not aware of my specific situation. When I communicated needing to leave work for a sick child or asking for an extension to load my already-written lesson plans into our school’s LMS, I kept it short, sweet, and to the point. Yes, there were times I was frustrated that there were extra hoops to jump through, but I reminded myself that my coworkers were people (and liked me) and to also give them the benefit of the doubt when I didn’t feel like they totally understood my struggles.
- Administration: This one is for you! Encourage a supportive workplace culture for parents. If you can let parents (or honestly any teacher) take a meeting from home over zoom, try to do that. If you can turn a meeting into an email, do that. A supportive workplace culture for parents looks like an equitable workplace culture for everyone. Don’t be afraid to change something just because “this is how we always do it”. Supported teachers who feel like valued professionals will stay at your school for years to come and will only add to a positive school culture. It truly is that simple.
As a teacher I wish my admin would have let me come to work early so I could leave a few minutes before the end of contract time for my maternity appointments, but that was never allowed. Even a few minutes of flexibility can make a world of difference.
Dealing with Guilt and Self-Care As a New Mom & Teacher
Feelings of guilt and self-doubt are common as a new mom and teacher. How can everything get done, and when will everything get done? The short answer is that it won’t. That’s ok. Take time to create a list of priorities for school and home, and focus on those. If you like things all in one spot, I created a simple Digital Planner for teachers (Notion app) that is a game-changer. Feel free to check it out here. I am also working on one for moms & home-life!
Self-care and mental health have to take priority especially at this stage in life. Set aside time to do the things you love and reflect on how you feel and what supports you need. This might look like seeing a therapist (I did like the convenience of Betterhelp, postpartum) or simply journaling about your day to compartmentalize and move forward each week.
There will be challenges along the way. Things won’t get done, and there will be people in your life that will not get the best of you. That is ok. You are human, and now taking care of another human! Have a positive mindset when you can, and when you can’t, fully lean on your support system.
Time Management Strategies
A huge part of planning and functioning as a mom and teacher is time management. Teachers are no stranger to time management, so I literally took that idea and applied it to almost everything. As a first time mom I was so nervous that I was going to drop the ball- and I did many times. But with time came experience and bettering how I used my time.
How I Spent My Time As A Mom & Teacher
- I would do pickup and dropoff at childcare because my husband has a long commute (this changed for the better with baby #2- Thank you hybrid work situations!) so that time alone in the car was MY alone time- I made sure to always have a book or podcast that felt extra special because the rest of my time usually wasn’t for me.
- When I was at school, it was work time. I significantly cut down on socializing time with other teachers for two reasons: 1. I was pumping in my free time and 2. I needed to get work done at school so that I didn’t have to take it home. I created systems like grade planning (check out my grading strategy here and my planning template here) and literally hid in my room to get things completed. I made sure that people knew that when my sign was up, I was not to be bothered. Need a sign for nursing or just to have extra quiet time in your room? I ditched my hand-written sign and made nicer ones for baby #2 .
- As soon as I got home, bottles from the day & pumping supplies went by the sink in hot water so I would remember to clean and dry them after my daughter went down for bed. My husband would often help with this job.
- I outsourced meal planning (keep reading for how!)
- I prioritized sleep and rearranged my evening time around that- no more mindless scrolling- evenings were time spent with my husband so I tried to be as present as a sleepy new mom and teacher could be.
Building a Mom- Support System
As a new mom with almost no family close by, I had to be intentional about my support system. This was hard, and honestly something I am still working on being a mom for over 4 years now. While finding support early is super helpful, it truly is never too late to build your system. Here is where I found support as a first and second-time mom:
- I chose a daycare that I felt comfortable with. Since I had no family close by, daycare was honestly a lifeline. I felt like the teachers truly loved my kids and that is an amazing feeling. Plus, pictures from daycare were a lifeline for me.
- As a first time mom on maternity leave, I joined a new moms group at a local hospital. Moms would sit in a circle, babies in the middle, and we would just talk. I didn’t talk often, but simply listening and seeing how other new moms “mom” was super cathartic.
- I spoke to my coworkers who were moms. Talking to my coworkers with kids (of any age) felt like an extra support system. They always understood why I was running late or when to give me a little pep talk. I honestly was very lucky to work at a school where I felt supported and understood as a new mom.
- I joined the parents facebook groups for my community- These groups have been a wealth of information over the years.
If you’re not confident in your support system as a mom, try one of these ways. You can even start your own mom or parents group at school. Remember, it’s never too late to find your people.
Systems for life at home
I love systems. Maybe it’s because I had decision fatigue for so many years. Maybe it’s because they work. Maybe it’s because I feel burdens being lifted- you name it. I use systems in my classroom, so I figured they would work well at home too. They did! This did require conversations with my husband so that it wasn’t all me setting up systems and telling people what to do. I wanted him (and other people in our support system) to feel like their opinions mattered.
Systems I Used As A New Mom Trying To Survive? Thrive?
- Discuss strategies for maintaining a healthy work-life balance with your partner. I was team “take no work home” and my husband was ok with bringing work home from time to time. We discussed this and both were happy with the plan. This also included who would leave work if the kids were sick.
- Avoid burnout and prioritize self-care. I automated what I could at school and did the things I enjoyed at home to support myself as a whole person. Sometimes this meant my husband taking my daughter on the weekend so I could go shopping or get a manicure. I knew that if I was a healthy person, I would be a better mom & teacher.
- Automate meals. I could not handle deciding what was for dinner every night. Blame it on decision fatigue, I just couldn’t. Meal services such as Every Plate or Hello Fresh fit into our budget, were automated, and were amazing for my mental health.
- AI/ ChatGPT wasn’t a thing for us commoners 4 years ago. Now you can ask chatGPT for a meal plan & shopping list, which is super budget-friendly!
- Automate grocery shopping. Grocery pickup and delivery were a Godsend. Pick one that fits your budget- the time you will save grocery shopping will be so worth it.
- Discuss what chores will get done by whom. My husband is a champion and just gets. Things. Done. I was struggling to keep up, so I initiated the conversation of who could help with what. He didn’t mind, but I wanted to help more in sharing that burden. We made a plan and decided to hire some help twice a month. Conversations can go a long way!
- Create a shared calendar with your partner. I cannot tell you how many times I forgot to mention the date of parent teacher conferences or this or that event. My brain was frazzled. Side Note: Moms- if this is you, get checked for postpartum depression and/or anxiety. I had no idea these were symptoms. A shared calendar with notifications meant my husband would be alerted to things even if I forgot to mention them.
New Mom Teachers…New Teacher Moms
As you move into matrescence (More from NPR on that word!), acknowledge the changes, and enjoy your sweet little one. Enjoy all the snuggles, set up systems that work for your life, and give yourself grace. You might feel off your game as a teacher for a little while. You might feel off for a long time, but you will find your flow again. I would love to hear in the comments what you worry about or struggle with most as a new mom and teacher. At most, there’s a solution, and at least, we’re here to listen.
I’m So Glad You’re Here,
Kameo
